Since I have been visiting my family upstate for a week, I thought that it might be a nice time to focus and practice my skills as a dancer, and perhaps compose - since what is quieter than a suburban home?
Yet I find myself staying up late with my storm of a grandmother and my mom, talking, and the next afternoon as I whip out my belly dance gear, I watch my attention and energy wither away... Even the enthusiasm lasts for only half an hour...
I have been thinking about establishing a meditation practice to help put my mind in a place of peace, or at least in a place that is a neighbor of peace. And thinking about it was as far as I've gotten. Between working on promotional materials, seeking a new violin (mine was stolen), and recording a new album, I have reached the habitual point of "too many things at once", which oddly enough, is seemingly a home of many creative ideas.
Today I was practicing tribal fusion belly dance, and recognized once again, how far from disciplined I am. People say to me that only disciplined people actually say that about themselves, but I feel that if I were more organized and less of a procrastinator, I would actually manifest my ideas much sooner... I begin to see that all of my actions are a part of a practice. Getting up in the morning, cooking, meditating, practicing my instruments, composing, dancing, editing photographs, even communicating with people and relating to family... The last one being on of the greatest challenges at times.
I believe the practice of Alexander technique was one to truly reveal to me my patterns of all practices, and the fact that even a lack of a pattern becomes a pattern of sorts. I become overwhelmed when I see things through a magnifying glass, and watch what progress truly requires, and even as it is happening, I sometimes have to stop because I enter a mental overload. The relationship with my body has been changing through the Alexander technique, but also my mentality, and even spirit.
On a different note: I am excited to report that David has been doing a kick-ass job of mixing the first track of our upcoming album!
Can I really conquer it all? Will I dance to my own music and share myself with you fully?
Towards that day I go... But wait... I remain in the now...
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