Coming Back to Oneself

It's been a difficult couple of months. Two deaths in the family, merely 6 weeks apart, both unexpected, and a totaled car in between.

At a time of crisis I always feel that my job lies in helping all the ones around me feel better. I put on my hugging gloves and hold back the tears. After enough years of caring on the same procedure at a moment of loss, the psyche begins to resist and finally demands that I look at myself and acknowledge the presence.

It seems that that time is now for me... I get worried about others easily, but meanwhile also seeing my very prominent dependence on those "others". My well-being depends on the well-being of those "others". And is that really what I wish to experience? Obviously, since that is exactly what I am experiencing at this time. And that's ok. But I also very much understand -- through the transparency of any concern that I may have -- that this beautiful scene, this crafty scenario is written very well for me to let go of all of my concerns, and move forward with seeing more clearly.

I am capable to sit here, alone, in quite, with just the white noise coming from the open windows, and realize, that there is nothing wrong with right now. Yes, the recent losses triggered a pain from the past, and a fear of the future, however! The now is ok.

Even when I argue and try to prove a point, the back of my mind knows that there is really no need. But yet I am in my process...

There are so many ideas in my mind. They are all creative; they are all beautiful; I truly love that and surrender to their birth. And for that I need my freedom. I've always felt that I am here to create. My purpose -- being a musician, being a giver, a maker, an inventor, an artist... And I am here to do that. I am present to do that. And if I can remain on my path and not in the way, and remain minding my own business, and not the business of others and the Universe -- then in fact, the Universe and I can truly partner up and bring forth every creative thought that has already set in motion the beginning, the birth, the making. So I am here for you. And I am here for me, for we are inseparable. If you think of it, if you hear something that you like, I will come and sing it to you in person. Just think it and we will all be together.


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